What Your Undead Army Says About You

Runa fighting the skeletal army. Image by Luis Antonio Salas Lastra

My Pathfinder 2e group is playing Kingmaker right now and have decided that their first decree is that all funerals end in cremation. This way they don’t have any problems with the undead. Ignoring the prospect of ghosts, banshees and others incorporeals, it got me thinking about about what an undead army says about a necromancer. So here are my thoughts.


Ya BASIC! All you’ve got is what any other necromancer can do. There’s nothing special about you. Not only that, you don’t mind the smell of rotting flesh. You probably don’t shower much and hang out with zombies because they’re the only one that will hang out with you. Zombies don’t argue back and you can’t handle independent thought being anywhere near you. You’re just an internet troll with more drive.


Congratulations. You have a sense of smell. You can’t stand that icky rotting flesh. So you’re as basic as the zombie-wrangler but with a weak stomach and maybe a healthy respect for germs. You like your minions inconsequential and disposable. What you can’t accomplish with intelligence, you do with numbers. You want your enemies to pay but you don’t have the magic to do it yourself so you have your skeletons do it for you. You are just a loser.

Skeletal Champion/Zombie Lord

Welcome to your first step beyond the basic. You still lack imagination about what you can do with your necromantic powers but at least now you have something around you to tell you that you are making a stupid mistake by attacking the town when adventurers are nearby. Whether you are smart enough to listen to such advice is still up for debate.


You think of yourself as a conductor of the symphony of screams coming from your horde. You delude yourself into thinking that your ghoul army likes you and wouldn’t eat you given their first chance. You see yourself as more cunning and vastly more powerful than those zombie and skeletal army wimps. Sadly, you are wrong about all of that.


You would be the loneliest person at the S&M party, if had ever gotten invited to one. The one that got away from you, you’ve preserved to be with you, whether they consented to this or not. You have a real problem with no meaning no and will do with others as you see fit. You also have an unhealthy fascination with pyramids and people named Ramesses.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: